Progress can be like deoxification. It seems the things that come up in our lives, do so, in order to be recognized, learned and then released. Once we have a desire to grow, then our unhealed places will come to the surface. Relationships can often be used as a channel for healing. Often times, our social interactions become a place where our blocks to love are not suppressed or denied, but rather brought into conscious awareness. We never get crazy like we do around people we are attracted to (in good and bad ways). It seems in these relationships is when we can see our dysfunctions most clearly. When we are ready, we ask to see things another way. Relationships are like a trip to the “emotional” physicians office and can be viewed as a temple for healing. How can a doctor help us if we deny our wounds? Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed, and sometimes this is so difficult to face….especially in front of other human beings that we fear might hurt us. Darkness needs a safe place to be brought into the light. We must have courage to show our wounds and weaknesses to other humans regardless of our fears. If we are in a number of relationships that allow us to merely avoid unhealed places, then we’re hiding, not growing. The universe puts challenging relationships in our lives to teach us. Don’t run from challenging relationships, rather run to them. Many think a perfect relationship is one in which everybody shows their perfect “game” face. But that is not necesarrily true, because acting is not honest, and our goal is to be our genuine best selves (I am assuming). If it is not a genuine expression of who we are, we will be confused and so will the people around us. If I pretend to have it together in some area where I really don’t, I am fostering an illusion about myelf out of fear.
The fear most humans experience is the fear of rejection. We are afraid that if the other person sees who we really are, they will withhold their love. This may be the case. But love cannot be experienced in any relationship unless we honestly know who we are and who we are choosing to love. The ego’s idea of a “good relationship” is false. To the ego, a good relationship is one in which another person basically behaves the way we want them to, never presses our buttons, and never violates our boundaries. But if our goal is progress, we want our relationships to exist to support our growth; in many ways it will exist to do just that: force us out of our limited tolerance and inability to love unconditionally. We are not healed until people are able to behave in any way they choose, and our own inner peace is not threatened. There have been many times in my own life where thoughts about a particular relationship is “this is terrible,” but upon further reflection I realize I should be saying, “oh this will be good for me,” because I finally get to see the wounds and pain it shows, and clear/heal them.